Couple Living with Infertility

Finally Moving On...

2008-06-20T21:06:00.001-07:00

So, I am sure many of you that are reading this either are wondering what happened to me or know exactly why I haven't been blogging. For a while, I felt all hope was lost. I wallowed in my own sorrow wondering why all this happened to us. We are good people, go to church and the list could go on forever. After some time, my pity party ended. After I told all the what felt like thousands of people we weren't pregnant I was truly able to focus on what my goal is. Getting Pregnant. Well a couple of significant events happened recently and made me realize how blessed I am. Here is my short story.

First, I have decided to bead jewelry to sell to earn money towards my next cycle. My new website is www.overcomeinfertility.org. I would appreciate it if you visited and forwarded the website to friends and family. Anyway, the people that have participated so far have been the most unexpected. I haven't spoken to either of them for I don't even know how long yet both of them felt touched by our story and wanted to help. Still brings tears to my eyes. Made me realize how blessed we are to know such lovely people. Everyone has forwarded my story to others and more people are learning about what we all endure everyday. Anyway, I have earned $82.00 so far and I am sure the number will continue to rise, by the grace of God.

Also, through the support group RESOLVE (www.Resolve.org) I learned that Talbot's offers infertility coverage even to part time employees. So I applied. I secretly thought they wouldn't call for an interview and this would be a long shot but why not? It wouldn't put me in any worse of a situation than I was in. Two days later, I got the call. They want to interview me. I go tomorrow. So I have a good shot to have my next cycle covered by insurance minus the medications. I can't believe it. I will be tired from working two jobs but becoming a Mommy is definitely worth it! Please pray that I get the job!!

So in short, I have a lot to be thankful. Many of you have picked yourselves off the ground and I must do the same. I am so thankful to have such a wonderful DH and such wonderful bloggers. I have really enjoyed and appreciated your comments.

More to come...

Thank You So Much!

2008-06-15T06:20:00.000-07:00

Ladies, I can't thank all of you enough for all the wonderful words of encouragement. It was very comforting to hear!

I did go to the doctor on Thursday and officially received the BFN. I was so devastated I had to leave work. To be honest, it was not any easier to receive the negative HPTs beforehand. It took a few days to lick my wounds and figure out a few next steps.

My RE's clinic said my next cycle would cost $7,000.00 instead of $11,000.00, excluding meds. We are trying to find a way to obtain that money.

I have also sent applications to become an egg donor to help pay for our own round.

Lastly, I received confirmation that Avon agents receive infertility coverage with their insurance. Therefore, I am researching of that option as well.

I am simply trying to focus on the future opposed to the present. :)

Thank you again!

Sad Day

2008-06-10T19:23:00.000-07:00

For all you readers, I am so sorry that I have not been posting like I normally do. It has been a few days.

I went to the store to buy a digital pregnancy test and to also buy some traditional ones. I knew many women had said they got their coveted BFP around day 7 or 8 but I still had hope. I was excited. All the experiences I had read of other couples showed a BFP definitely by day 11. In fact, the embryo timeline stated that by day 11 you would definitely know. I had my 4 tests and when I got home I immediately peed in a cup. This process was so familiar. I can't even tell you how many times I had gone through the home pregnancy test process. Years and Years worth. So, I dipped the sticks and waited. I left to go let my furbaby, Bella, outside knowing this would give plenty of time for the tests to process.

I went back to my bedroom and dreaded looking at the tests. I had seen so many negatives that I desperately wanted to see two beautiful pink lines or the amazing word "Pregnant." I walked past the sticks, went to my closet to arrange some clothes. I realized I would have to look at them; it wouldn't change anything if I didn't. I took a deep breath, and looked at the sticks that would be tell me my future.

It was like visiting a consistent old friend. One bright pink single line and the words "Not Pregnant." I crashed. I cry just writing this. I am so crushed. I wanted this to work so badly that I think I made myself believe it worked. I continued to look at the all too familiar tests. It was so surreal; almost like looking from the outside in. I lost it. I sobbed and sobbed. I text Jon the words "Game Over." Now, I know what a lot of you ladies might say. It could be a late implanter, you still could get pregnant. However, I researched the possibility of those statements being true and the chances are slim to none. I am simply "Not Pregnant."

I don't know what my next steps will be. We don't have the money for another cycle; we don't have the money to adopt. I have BETA on Friday but I don't see the point. However, I will finish what I started. How am I to face everyone at work who is waiting to hear? How do I tell my family? Why did I have to tell everyone under the sun that we were going through In Vitro? I guess I will figure the answers to these as I go.

We did everything right. We took all the meds right on time. I had a great response to the meds. I mean 20 eggs!! They found plenty of sperm to fertilize. We transferred two beautiful embabies, 8 cell perfect! I rested and talked to my little ones. Jon would rub my belly and tell them how much we desperately wanted to meet them. I was on dozens of prayer lists; my family was praying; I even had a candle lit for me; I prayed everyday for a wonderful family. I really don't think I could have done anything differently.

Right now, I don't know if I will ever hear the words, I love you Mom.

Thank you for all the prayers and kind words of encouragement. I will continue to hope all of you get your wonderful BFPs. I know all of us are all too familiar with waiting for "our turn."

Thank You

2008-06-07T22:34:00.001-07:00

Thank you for listening and letting me vent. I am generally an optimistic person but sometimes Mrs. Negativity rears her ugly face!

I am 8 days pregnant today. I POASed again. Negative. All day I have been devastated. Most threads I have read, the women have seen their positive by now. After much crying today I have decided not to give up. My BETA is not until Friday. I still have plenty of time for the HCG levels to increase. I will continue to pray. I need to remember; Leave it up to God.

I also got the privilege of being tagged for.....my first MEME!! :) Thank you to SAHW!!

The rules of the game get posted at the beginning. Each player answers the questions about themselves. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5-6 people and posts their names, then go to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog.

1. What was I doing ten years ago? Ten years ago, I was 15. It would have been the summer between my freshman and sophomore years of high school. I am sure I was hanging out with friends, driving (only with my permit), and working at my parents grocery store in my home town!

2. 5 things on my to do list today: Clean House, Organize Closet, Eyebrow wax (really needed it!! :) ) Groom Bella (toy poodle), Pick out specifics for house (We are building a new house)

3. Snacks I enjoy: I think the list would be easier if I told you the snacks I don't like! LOL! I love cheese, crackers, and wine; love love love chocolate cake, Love nuts-any kind: cashews, almonds, pecans, walnuts, anything! I love Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey ice cream!! Okay, gonna stop because I am getting hungry.

4. Things I would do if I were a billionaire.
My list is long but here it goes. First, I would purchase my grandma a new house just for her. I would make sure my parents are set for retirement and beyond. I would give my little brother some money to start his life but not until after he finishes college. Go Aggies! Whoop!!

I would donate time and money to Meals on Wheels. I have always admired this organization. Such devotion and love.

I would quit my job and lobby for legislature to require insurance companies to cover infertility treatments.

I would go on an extended vacation with my honey. He's so good to me and really deserves it.

After all this, I would then buy me a new pair of Manolo Blahniks.

5. Places I have lived. I am born and raised in Karnes City, Texas. Population 800. Then I moved to San Antonio, Tx where I currently reside. That's it!! I will always stay in Texas, God willing.

6. People I want to know more about: Sorry if I don't know your first name yet!!

Pamela
Alicia
JJ

Fiddle1
Morrisa

Random Rant

2008-06-06T21:54:00.000-07:00

**I must worn you readers. Generally I am a happy and positive blogger. I try to always be thankful for what I have and enlighten others. This post will not support my norm. Read on at your own risk**

So I was sitting here thinking about how I would love a burger from Sonic with onion rings and man have I gained a few from the steroids. Well, to be totally honest, I was far from being small before the steroids but they haven't helped.

I was just thinking about for so many years everyone kept saying, just lose some weight and you'll get pregnant really quick! In other words, if you were less fat you too will be blessed with a baby as if not being pregnant was a choice of mine. If I only put back the last ding dong magically a fetus would appear in my belly. Ridiculous.

This goes to all of the people that made the stupid suggestion:

I want to say to all of those people that apparently it wouldn't have mattered if I lost 50 or 75 lbs we just wouldn't have been able to get pregnant. How dare you assume that it was my choice to eat better and get pregnant and that apparently getting pregnant was not a priority to me. Don't rub your F***ing fertility blessings in my face!

Oh yeah and we can't forget the people that thought if I just had less stress and didn't think about getting pregnant so much then I would get pregnant! As if the day I quit my stressful job a baby would magically appear. This concept is absolutely stupid and insulting.

For those that are naturally blessed as a fertile couple, here are the rules when talking to someone who is not as blessed:

Do not tell me to relax and don't think about trying.
Do not tell me to just lose weight and all will be fine.
Do not ask me if there is any other option than IVF. Don't you think I would have tried it!!?? No, of course not. I love spending $15,000.00, getting pricked daily with needles, getting poked and prodded by docs just to have a small chance that I will get pregnant.
Do not assume that I will have 8 children at once. That is just ignorant.
Do not tell me how jealous you are that we get to go and see a movie. Don't you know that I would give up anything to be able to NOT have the time to go to a movie?? Do you really think that I am happy it is just me and DH going to the movies instead of a sweet family hanging out in the living room???
Do not get your feelings hurt when I am not absolutely thrilled to hear that your friend got pregnant and was trying not to.
Do not ask me if I get to choose a sex when they pick the embryos.
Do not ask me if my future children will be normal since they are not created "naturally."
When I just start to cry, do not tell me you understand how I feel. You have no idea how I feel. Not even close!
Lastly, do not tell me that my day will come. What if it never comes? What will you say then??

So these are just some tips for you lucky fertile people out there. We can co-exist in this world; we just have to understand our boundaries.

I am getting off my soapbox now.

Friday; 7 Days Pregnant

2008-06-06T19:02:00.000-07:00

I went to the doctor today to have blood drawn. They wanted to check my progesterone and estrogen levels. My progesterone levels were normal but my estrogen was low. I was instructed to increase from one estrogen patch to three. I really don't know what that means. My fear is that my body is not creating the necessary hormones which could mean my little ones are gone.

I have cried all day at just the thought that they are gone. Jon and I can not afford another $15,000.00 to try this again nor do we have the money to adopt right away. So, if this doesn't work, I guess we will live childless. Just the thought makes me cry.

I tested again. Negative. What I would give to see a faint second line. I already have the feelings that the cycle didn't work.

How do you pick up the pieces? How do you continue to go to work and put a smile on your face?

I hope my feelings are wrong and I will get a pleasant surprise soon.

6 Days Preggy

2008-06-05T19:04:00.001-07:00

Today I am 6 days pregnant. I am not sure what I am supposed to be feeling. A lot of the crampiness is gone, which worries me. I didn't have implantation bleeding, which worries me. I hate all these negative thoughts that continue to enter my head. It is not good.

I tested again and it was negative. But of course it was. I am only 6dp3t. That is soooo early. Even knowing that, I so desperately wanted to see a faint positive. I will try again tomorrow.

I did it. I got my hair cut today. I will post some pics tomorrow. I cut about 4 inches off!! Crazy!! I love it!!

This is what the 2ww makes me feel like:

Tomorrow is Friday!! Yeah!! I have a doctor's appointment in the morning. They want to test my progesterone and estrogen levels. I hope they are all well. I am sure they are.

More to come....

5 Days Pregnant Again and Vote for a New Hairstyle

2008-06-04T19:18:00.000-07:00

Okay, I am sure you are wondering how I can be 5 days pregnant again. Well I think I was counting wrong. Here's the illogical logic:

I had my transfer on 5/30. Today is 6/4. I was counting the day of transfer as day 1. I am such a blonde.

Therefore, I thought I was 6dpt but instead I am 5dp3t again. :( Sad. 2ww is longer.

Calling all fellow bloggers!!

Now for the fun part. I have decided to get a new hairstyle. I already have recently done my color so I won't change that. I have dark brown hair underneat and I have blonde hair on top.

Here are some styles I am considering. Please leave your vote in a comment.

C. The short one of course.

My appointment is scheduled tomorrow at 10:00 AM. Your votes are important!!!

Thank you!

5 Days Pregnant and OHSS?

2008-06-03T09:05:00.000-07:00

I went to the RE this morning. They wanted me to come in right away. They weighed me (YUCK!) and measured my stomach. Then the technician completed all kinda of ultra sounds. They looked at my lungs and liver and abdomen. There is fluid in my abdomen and my ovaries are very large. The RE said this could be a really good sign that my pregnancy will "stick!" DH is very excited about that but I just can't get my hopes up until I see a positive HPT or great huge BETA!

I have been placed back on bed rest. Most of you are thinking, sheesh, I would love to be placed on bed rest. Well, this is not easy for me! I am a total multi-tasker and I like to stay busy! When I am in bed, I get really restless. There is no reason to whine about it because I can't change it. I will do anything to help Bam Bam and Boomer so if this is what I have to do, then so be it!

Dig Bam Bam!! Dig Boomer!!

I am 5dp3dt or like I say, I am 5 days pregnant! I took a HPT today. I know what you are thinking; "You are crazy!" It was negative. I am not bummed because I think I am really early however it does mean the trigger shot has left my system. So, I guess I have reached a point that I will probably test daily.

Hello, my name is Stephanie, I am an addict and I Pee on a lot of Sticks!!

4 Days Pregnant

2008-06-02T20:08:00.000-07:00

4 days of pregnancy down and I am not feeling good. I think I may have OHSS. I have read and heard the testimony of many ladies and I definitely think I have OHSS.

Whether I sit down or lay down doesn't matter, I feel like my insides are too big to fit my abdomen. I seriously look like I am 9 months pregnant!! My abdomen is hard to touch. This feeling gets so much worse after I eat so I am trying not to eat too much!

The only good news about this or that I can make of it is that generally people have said that OHSS gets worse if I am pregnant because more HCG and hormones continue to enter my body. Well, I did not feel this bad until a few days ago. Could it be because Bam Bam and Boomer are digging in for about 9 months? Who knows; your guess is as good as mine at this point! :)

Well, I go to the doctor at 7:30 AM so they can complete an U/S of my ovaries. I am afraid they may prescribe bed rest. Oy vey!! I will continue to miss work if I have to continue bed rest. I guess that would be a small sacrifice to help out my body and help Bam Bam and Boomer nestle in.

Can't wait to start POASing!!!!!

Meet Bam Bam and Boomer

2008-06-01T09:31:00.000-07:00

As promised, here are our "first baby pictures."

I think they have my eyes!! :)

Today I am 3 days pregnant. I have had some tightness in my stomach this morning. It has seemed to go away. I didn't feel very good this morning so I had cereal. Jon wanted to make sausage and eggs but it made me sick. I think mentally I am looking for any signs that this worked. It is probably still too early to have signs.

Poor Jon, he is stuck working on the house by himself and I have been so crabby today. Normally we would be working together, sweating together, as a team. I think it is overwhelming when he has to do this by himself and then I really want to help but I can't.

Till tomorrow.....have a great end to your weekend.

Day 2 of the 2ww

2008-05-31T07:54:00.000-07:00

I am 2 days pregnant! I woke up to Jon and he started rubbing my belly. Oh we pray that Bam Bam and Boomer stick around.

Just like all of you, I have been listening to every move, pain, pull my body is making. I keep thinking, Stephanie it is too early for implantation pain. Then my other psyche tells me that it could be implantation pain. Wow! Already going crazy during the 2ww and it is only day two.

So the question remains: Do I POAS (Pee on a Stick) or not?

My nurse at the doctor's office says she doesn't recommend taking a home pregnancy test. She states that it does not detect low beta counts.

I will probably take my chances. When I was trying naturally I tested constantly. I can't foresee my personality changing with this process. If I had a 3 day transfer, when do you think is the earliest I could test?

Should I just test every day?!?! :)

I am Pregnant with Twins

2008-05-30T17:00:00.000-07:00

Hello to all! Thank you for all the support and prayers for Jon, Me, Boomer, and Bam Bam. We had a great family reunion today! My babies are back in my belly!

The embryologist was very pleased with the results! We had 7 eggs fertilize and here are their grades:

9B
8A
8B
8B
8B
8B
7B

We transferred the 8A and one 8B today!

It is kind of strange. I am finally "pregnant" and I guess I thought I would have this divine feeling; the preggy glow. I keep forgetting that my body doesn't know I am pregnant yet!

Jon is being so adorable. He has been rubbing my belly; talking to Boomer and Bam Bam. He is going to the grocery store and has been asking what foods are best for our babies! Later, Jon will upload our "Babies' First Photos" and I will post their pictures soon.

Your prayers have caused miracles so please continue praying for our new family!

I am praying Bam Bam and Boomer plan for a long stay!! Dig in babies!!

18 Hours 50 Minutes, But Who's Counting?

2008-05-29T15:03:00.000-07:00

Very soon I will be pregnant. What a weird saying. Tomorrow I will be pregnant. It seems so simple; so frank. It doesn't begin to tell the story all of us have endured. The countless years of checking our temperatures and getting so frantically excited because it went up a half degree; the countless months of counting the days just so we could baby dance on the "perfect" day; the countless negative HPTs we have seen while we quietly cried in the bathroom; the countless nights wondering if we would ever be called Mommy; the countless doctor's appointments that we so nervously went to just to be told the sad news; the countless birth control pills that made some of us nauseous (me!); the countless needles that pricked our bellies, arms, and hips; the countless prayers and ultra sounds hoping that our follicles were growing at just the right speed-not too fast and not too slow; the countless days of feeling bloated and "fat" from all the steroids; the countless worries of would they get enough eggs-would they get enough sperm; the countless minutes waiting anxiously by the phone to see if any of the eggs fertilized; the countless minutes waiting until the egg transfer; the dreadful countless days, hours, minutes, and seconds that we wait for our BETA day.

No, the statement, I will be pregnant tomorrow does not do us justice! I say praise God for all of us who have to go down the path less traveled. We are warriors of infertility. We prepare ourselves and bodies to go to "war" against infertility. Praise God for all of us! We are brave, amazing, loving, strong couples! Thank you God for providing us your strength.

Needless to say; I will be pregnant tomorrow.

Honestly, I am so very thankful for the opportunity to have a baby. Without these steps, I would not even be writing this post. This path is overwhelming but I know I will get my happy ending.

Please continue saying prayers for Jon, me, Boomer, and Bam Bam.

Boomer and Bam Bam: Mommy can't wait to reunite with you!

One estrogen patch, one PIO shot, and One woman

2008-05-28T21:18:00.000-07:00

One day and night down with the estradiol patch and the PIO shot. I can honestly tell you that I do not like either. I have been having hot flashes all day; or could it be the Texas weather. Who knows. I had fear the PIO shot would be like the trigger shot. Jon said it was much harder to get through the needle point. It did not seem to burn as bad. Let's see how it is in the morning.

I am counting down the days and almost hours until I can be reunited with my embabies.

Bam Bam and Boomer, a lot of people are praying for you two. I can't wait to meet you again!

Fertilization Report

2008-05-28T09:37:00.000-07:00

The RE's office just called! Out of our 17 eggies that were injected, 7 fertilized! All with God's will! We are very happy! The nurse was very please with the results. I am now scheduled for my Egg Transfer (ET) on Friday at 11:30AM.

OMG!! I will be pregnant on Friday! Amazing! Jon and I are very happy, excited, nervous, all of the above!

Before they perform the transfer, the embryologist will explain all the statuses of our 7 embabies!

Your prayers are working so please continue to pray for us! Soon, we may have an addition to our family!

Nervous

2008-05-28T07:56:00.000-07:00

I am awaiting the phone call from my doctor's office to let me know if any or ALL of our eggies fertilized. I have been praying and praying but until I hear the report I will be a wreck.

Good news is that I feel much better today. I am still a little sore in my stomach but I am walking much better. Yesterday I walked like an 80 year old woman with two tampons stuck in her. (Not a lovely picture) Today I am able to walk fine except for a few minor sharp pains. I am hoping that means that I am in the clear for OHSS!

After I get the fert report, I will post the news. As of right now, we are parents to 17 babies in my mind!!

Song on my Blog

2008-05-27T18:29:00.000-07:00

Ladies, Please listen to the song I have added on my blog. I was first introduced to this song on my forum, FertilityCommunity.com. I have to warn you ahead of time; it will make you cry. However, it is amazing!

Egg Retrieval Today

2008-05-27T13:48:00.001-07:00

I woke up this morning feeling very tired and thirsty. I immediately took a shower and woke Jon up. With every waking moment I got more nervous. What if things didn't work out today? What if the donation wasn't going to work? I shut those thoughts out of my head and got ready.

On the way to the doctor's office, I couldn't say much. This is when I couldn't get the thoughts out of my head. I entered the same elevator that I did the day we found out we couldn't get pregnant naturally. I have seen the same brown walls several times but today it seemed different. I walked to my RE's office and filled out my slip. When the front office clerk read why I was there she immediately took Jon and me back. We dropped off our sample and I was lead into a surgical room. I again was given the lovely cotton gown with the 80's deco on it. I laid down on the surgical bed. One of my favorite nurses entered the room. She talked me through the procedure and next steps. Another nurse explained she was going to get in IV going. She pricked me three times which hurt so bad!! I don't remember IVs hurting this bad. Normally, I get my IV in the left arm but it had to be the right and my veins just weren't cooperating. Finally, she passed the duty on to another nurse. IV was a success! The anesthesiologist entered and introduced himself. Not long after that the embryologist entered and said the dreadful news. She needed Jon to give another sample. I know it bothered Jon to hear that but he stayed strong by my side while I was getting prepped for "surgery." Jon then gave me a kiss good bye and said our "I love Yous." The anesthesiologist then said the medicine would enter through the IV. He squeezed the magic juice and within a few minutes I said I think it is starting to work. The lights on the ceiling began moving. Then I remember waking up and telling the anesthesiologist I was so sorry for falling asleep. The attendees in the room kind of giggled and said we were all done! We were done!!!!??? That was so fast!

Jon entered the room and immediately kissed me. My favorite nurse re-entered and said I did perfectly! They were able to retrieve 20 eggs! Thank you God! Jon looked at me and I asked if he was able to give another sample. He started to tear up and I cried with him. We were so fearful that we had gone this far only to hear that we wouldn't be able to continue. My favorite nurse explained she would call me later with the results. We left the doctor's office a little grim and went home.

I waited and waited...finally at 2:30 PM, again my favorite nurse called. She said they were able to fertilize 17 of the eggs. Praise God!! I immediately started sobbing! I had prepared myself for the worst and God blessed us again!

Please say a prayer that our eggies do well and fertilize within the next couple of days.

I am feeling quite a bit of pain in my ovaries from the procedure but I hope it will go away tomorrow. I will keep you posted.

Night before Egg Retrieval

2008-05-26T19:55:00.001-07:00

My mom and my brother are at my house. They have been so crucial to getting my house ready to sell. Today I have had a lot of pain from my trigger shot. Ouch!! I hope it will go away because the progesterone shots are the same. :(

I had a weird thought today. I know HCG is in my body; I know that I am not pregnant. However, I can't help but want to POAS (Pee On A Stick) just so I can see two lines. Is that weird? I guess I have always wanted to see them so I thought this would be a guarantee! I know, it is probably not healthy.

Back to the egg retrieval. So tomorrow is it. I have to prepare tonight and then Jon and I will be going to the doctor's office at 7:30 AM. I can't believe we are finally here. I hope I feel better after this!

Please keep us in your prayers and I will all of you that follow my blog!!

Trigger Day!!

2008-05-25T12:29:00.000-07:00

I went to the RE today for my last U/S before my egg retrieval. My nurse, RE, and U/S technician came in to see me. I knew something was up! :)

They all looked at the black and white screen and all were pleasingly nodding. I had many follicles that were 19, 20, 21, and 23. My whole right ovary was black with little white lines. Amazing how the medicines work! All of them agreed that I am "ready."

I was taken to the conference room one last time. It was the same room that my DH and I were told our only option to get pregnant was to go through IVF with ICSI. The mood this time was much more positive and exciting than our first visit to the room with the Kleenex box.

Our lovely nurse, Cheryl, came in smiling. She has been such a doll through this whole thing! She said I am "ready." She gave me strict instructions for the next two days. Tonight, I am to administer my trigger shot at 8:30 PM. I will have my egg retrieval on Tuesday at 8:30 AM.

I can't believe we are here. The thought that soon I will be more pregnant than I ever have is amazing. Thank you God!

We had an ironic morning. The appointment took longer than we thought so when we left the doctor's office we agreed that we just could not make church this morning. Right before we got home, we both thought about this IVF process and how much we endured and agreed that we just couldn't miss church and our opportunity to be in His house to thank him and pray for our new baby. We quickly got dressed and we were both running through the house looking for our shoes! And off we were to church! Today's service was amazing. We had a surprise guest speaker. You would never believe who it was!! If you are a basketball fan or watch TNT, then I think you will know him. Ernie Johnson was in our church and shared his lovely story with our congregation! What a blessing!! He talked about stepping away from the "game" and finding blackberries.

He told this story about his younger years while he played little league baseball. The ball had been hit over the fence for a home run which tied the game. The crowd was intense! However, there were not enough players on the field. They all went to the fence and saw the ball in the valley of a hill. Just before the ball, they saw two players who stopped to eat blackberries. He said this vision meant a lot to him after he accepted Christ again in his life! He talked about all of us having to stop and find our blackberries. They are out there for us to find! God strategically plants them during the good times in our lives and during some of the bad times. We have to be prepared to stop what we are doing and accept the lovely gift!

I couldn't do anything but cry. I have yearned to be pregnant and a mommy for so long. Lately, I have been having the same fears as many of you dealing with infertility have. What if this doesn't work? What then? Would I ever be a mom? Would I ever have the feeling of my baby growing inside of me? Ernie's speach reminded me that God has given my husband and me a blackberry. The opportunity to have a child. We didn't think we could get financing; we did. We didn't know if I would respond well to the medications; I did. We didn't know if we could mentally survive this time; we did. All of these things we survived solely by the grace of God. And now, we are here. We are preparing to get "pregnant" on Friday. I am just so thankful.

Thank you to Ernie for reminding me the amazing opportunity we have been blessed with. I don't think he'll ever understand what our brief 30 minutes with him meant today.

I pray that all of you will find your blackberry and good He has in store for all of us!

Scheduled for Tuesday

2008-05-24T07:44:00.000-07:00

Jon and I went to the RE this morning. Most of my follicles have gotten to 16,17,18 and I even had a 20!!! Crazy! No wonder I have been sore! We were told our retrieval will be Tuesday. This would make my transfer on Friday the 30th which then I would find out if I am pregnant on Friday the 13th! Ewww.....I don't want to find out on Friday the 13th! Do you think that is bad luck?

The RE wants us to come back tomorrow. We will have another U/S and B/W. So far, no signs of OHSS and my E2 levels have been good.

On a funnier note, we were prescribed baby dancing tonight!! LOL...we both thought that was funny! Much better than penicillin!

There will definitely be more to come!!

It is becoming real.

2008-05-23T17:29:00.000-07:00

I am having some pain today. Just when I move a lot. It's in my ovaries. Have any of you experienced pain in your ovaries a few days before ER? I have been drinking my gatorade a lot still just in case. Other than that, I don't feel any different. I have another doctor's appointment in the morning at 8:30 AM so please say some prayers that all the tests will be great and I would be good to go!

I put our names on several prayer lists for next week. Today I received the lovliest "Good Luck" card from our best friends. It made me tear up! Of course, everything is making me cry; dang hormones! They are the best! So, needless to say, the feeling of the "day" arriving is definitely becoming more real. I sat and thought today, "I will be pregnant next week." I thought that even if this cycle doesn't work, I will be pregnant for two weeks; more than I ever have. How amazing science and God's will is!

Thank you for all the prayers thus far and I will keep you posted tomorrow!

OHSS Update

2008-05-22T12:43:00.000-07:00

My nurse called about one hour ago. She said, "I can't believe it! Your E2 levels are perfect!" I get to continue my protocol. Just to be on the safe side, I am continuing to drink my gatorade. I am so thankful my report is great still so far! Again my next appointment is on Saturday so please say some prayers that Saturday will go well.

Thank you!

Forgot to add....

2008-05-22T10:08:00.000-07:00

Seems I am doing that alot lately! I am now a gatorade drinking machine!! Drinking tons and tons of Gatorade just in case. This is a great suggestion from Morrisa! Thanks!!!

Third U/S and B/W after Stims

2008-05-22T09:57:00.000-07:00

So Jon and I went to the RE today for what would have been the last U/S and B/W before the egg retrieval. They measured my follicles and there were tons that were 11 and 12 in size. Then there were some others 10, 9, and some of the smallest were 8 and 6. I have been having a little bit of pain but not too bad. Since I have so many follicles the nurse is worried I might get OHSS (ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome). I have another appointment on Saturday. The nurse told me today to not to take my medications except for Lupron until they get the blood work results back. She is thinking my E2 level is really high. Then she will be able to give me my new protocol or to continue the existing one. I am quite worried. Please say a prayer that all will be well. I am praying this cycle will not get canceled. It's almost like I could be punished because I am responding too well to the medications. (Shrugs)

On my way....

2008-05-21T21:58:00.001-07:00

Today was fairly boring. I got up and went to work like normal. Woke up late. :( I have been a little uncomfortable in my lower region but again still not enough to stop my daily activities. My egg retrieval and egg transfer are becoming so real. I now have all of my backups for my multitude of projects covered at work while I am out. Yeah! When I got home I started working on my current home like everyday for the last two days. We had the new carpet installed today! We are getting down to the wire but I can at least see the light at the end of the tunnel. The realtor is coming on Friday. I am excited to get this part of my life going! Can't wait to be in my new home!

Tomorrow I have another U/S and B/W. It was supposed to be my last before my retrieval however my RE may decide tomorrow that I have to come in daily because I have so many follicles. Don't get me wrong; I am not complaining. I am so thankful that I am blessed with so many follicles. However, I do have some level of concern of OHSS. I just pray and pray that I don't get OHSS. My belly right now is swollen and bloated and bruised. But I am praying this will be all worth it in the end. I will do anything to get pregnant! Please say a prayer that all goes well tomorrow. Also, say a prayer that Bam Bam and Boomer decide to stay for about nine months!!

God is great! Leave is all to God!

I don't know how I could have forgot...

2008-05-20T07:18:00.000-07:00

God is Great!! He has blessed us with another great checkup! Thank you God!

Please say a prayer that soon Bam Bam and Boomer will "stick" with us for nine months!!

2nd U/S and B/W

2008-05-20T07:13:00.000-07:00

Sorry I could not think of a more creative name but I am home only for a few minutes after my appointment today. You guessed it; I had my 2nd U/S and B/W. They found 40 follicles!! OMG!! Since I have so many follicles the nurse wants to watch me closely. I have another U/S on Thursday. They don't think I will be ready on Thursday but the nurse also said I may have to come in daily after that. They want to ensure I don't overstimulate and also because if all of them grow, that could be very uncomfortable which they would like to prevent as much as possible.

If there is any issues with the E2 they will call.

I guess I better get to work even though I really don't want to. I would much rather stay at home and ponder about my upcoming appointments. Maybe it is healthier to go to work! LOL

More to come...

Bam Bam and Boomer

2008-05-19T20:37:00.001-07:00

I have been so tired lately. Literally, I almost fell asleep in a meeting today. I have another appointment tomorrow. Please God let the appointment go well. If all goes well, I will have another appointment on Thursday and then.....ER and ET!! Again, I can't believe it is so close. I am so ready to be PUPO!! I just pray and pray I will stay pregnant. Please say a prayer for us. We need all the prayers we can get! God is so great and I know if it is meant to be he will bless us!

I decided on the embaby names, Bam Bam and Boomer. ( I got this idea from the thread The Making of Baby V) Her embaby's name is Doozer! So cute! Let's all hope and pray that Bam Bam and Boomer dig in deep and stay for nine months.

Well, like I said, I am pretty tired so I am going to sleep!

All in my head!!

2008-05-18T21:59:00.000-07:00

So all I can think about is my ER is in a week! OMG! A week! Where did time go!?!? I thought when I started BCPs it would be forever until my "week." But we are almost here! So Mom came over and helped with the house! We really want to get it on the market soon. Open houses and abnormal living here we come. :) God is good! We got the living room and dining room back to normal. Thank goodness. After all this construction, my entire house has been out of sorts.

After getting the living room clean and dinner taken care of, Jon and I were watching t.v. and trying to think of names for our soon to be embabies. We thought of Bam Bam, Boom Boom, Jack and Jill, Tom and Jerry...Jon likes Bam Bam and Boom Boom best. I am not sure about that! I like Jack and Jill. What do you think?? I plan to talk to them everyday! Again, I am in utter shock that "THE" day is so soon!

God is great, please pray we get preggy and stay preggy!!!

Woke up with a headache....

2008-05-18T06:56:00.000-07:00

So Jon and I worked on our current home last night till about 10:00 PM. Doesn't sound bad right? I mean we are young, 10:00 should be doable! Well, we have been working till 1:00 AM or 2:00 AM all last week and at 10:00 PM we just couldn't take it anymore. Getting this house ready is killing us. I just keep telling myself, "NEW HOME, NEW HOME!" :) It is nice to have something to keep my mind occupied during all this IVF stuff.

When I woke up this morning, the whole body hurt which was not a surprise. But then I rolled out of bed and I have the worst headache ever! :( The pain in pulsating in my head: Da Dum, Da Dum. Anyway, Jon is going to the store to get me Tylenol since that is all I can take.

I better get ready for church. Please say a prayer that we will be preggy soon!

More to come!!

One day of stims down..

2008-05-17T19:44:00.000-07:00

I completed my first dosage of menapour this evening. Seeing the needle completely full with medicine made me nervous. However, it felt just the same as all the others. My stomach has gotten a little sore but other than that it is not too bad. I got a headache today. It was so strange because I prepared myself for headaches during the week and a half of 10cc of Lupron and it didn't happen. Today, I got one. The headache is not bad enough for me to stop my daily functions but just bad enough to annoy me. :)

Now that my day is coming near, I am getting more and more excited! Soon I will be PUPO and then hopefully I will see the much coveted double lines!

Started Stims

2008-05-17T09:09:00.001-07:00

Sorry it has been so long! I didn't even realize how long it had been until I looked at the last post!!

So a lot has happened till now. The IVF news first! On May 10th I took my last birth control pill! YEAH! (hated them) We went to the RE on May 15th to have an U/S and blood work. The U/S was perfect. The technician said my uterus lining was right where it should be and that I had a lot of little follicles. Thank you God! We graduated to stims! The nurse took as back to a conference room and gave us the protocol. I am to take 225 cc of Gonal F, 1 vile of Menapour, and 5 cc of Lupron. Ouch! Today was our first day to take them. I am taking the Gonal F and Lupron in the morning and I will take the Menapour in the evening. This will make it easier during the work week. We have our next appointment on Tuesday, May 20th. Leaving it up to God! I can't believe we are almost PUPO! Our potential egg retrieval is scheduled for May 26th and the egg transfer would be on May 29th. So amazing! I am thrilled and scared all at the same time! Again, all I can do is leave it up to God!

So now to the events outside of IVF. My husband and I had been wanting to purchase land and build for a while now. Well, when the possibility of being pregnant grew closer, my plans for moving to the country were changing. I was worried that we would have to live in temporary housing until we had the money to custom build. I did not want my new baby to live in a repo mobile home while construction was happening! So, it was confirmed, our plans changed. We decided to still sell our current home and buy a used home in San Antonio. So we started looking. And looking. And looking. Some homes came close to what we wanted but we would have to change some things. Then some houses were not even close at all! While we were driving around an area of town we liked we found properties with new construction. My husband and I thought, lets at least check it out! We fell in love!! The model home was everything we wanted. Large home with a master suite on the bottom floor and a lot of the amenities came standard. We left the model home and looked at several other builders. None of them came close to the first we saw. It was like finding the perfect wedding dress; you just knew it was the one! We went home and thought about this transaction for a couple of days. I visited the model home every day. We thought, lets see if we would qualify for the mortgage first. So we called the mortgage company and we easily qualified. So we took the plunge. We went back to the builder, finalized our plan, gave our earnest money, and we are now under contract!!

We are so excited and so blessed to have this opportunity! I must say, May is turning out to be quite an exciting month. I will be pregnant in May and we are building a new home!!

More to come....God is Great!!

Ultrasound and Lupron

2008-05-06T20:33:00.000-07:00

So my husband and I went to the RE today. We were scheduled to have an ultra sound so we could check for cysts. We went to the doctors office and I was so nervous! I get nervous before every appointment because every one could be a delay. Well, we were escorted into a room by a wonderful nurse and she explained the procedure. Then our RE came in. He wanted to measure my uterus. He inserted some sort of awful tongs that spread me open wide. Not comfortable at all! Then he measured my uterus; it was 6.2. When he tells me something like that I never know what that means so I nervously ask, "Is that good or normal?" He kindly smiles and says it is normal. Thank you God! Then he says, "You are going to feel a pinch." Ouch! A pinch my @$$! It hurt! Then he stood up and displayed a long tube that gradually got skinnier. This was the tube they would use to insert my eggies. He said this was a test to see how difficult or easy the transfer would be. He said I would be an "easy" transfer! Thank you God again!

Well, the results of the test? Clear, no cysts! We saw lots of black dots that will soon be follicles with my eggs. Thank you God again!!!

After all the tests were good to go, our nurse returned and took us to a conference room. There she explained how to inject the Lupron. I can choose my stomach, arm, or legs. She explained we had to take a shot before returning to work. So my husband and I drove back home and he gave me my first shot of Lupron! Strangely, I was so excited because it was officially the start of my journey to my BFP!!

All in all, it was a great day!

It's been a while....

2008-05-01T06:10:00.001-07:00

Sorry I haven't been updating the posts in a while. So, what has gone on!!

Well, many women on my forum have gotten their wonderful BFP!!! Even after I get my positive BETA, I am still going to POAS (pee on a stick)! I desperately want to see two pink lines!! After you have seen so many single lines, to see two would be amazing!!

I took off today and tomorrow to regain some of my lost sanity. It seems like all I think about are babies, babies, and more babies!!! My husband and I went to Babies R Us to get some "good" baby vibes and it was sooooo much fun!! Got to look at all the baby furniture and we tested out the strollers, even the twin ones!! Yikes!!! :) I am trying to feed positive vibes to my body instead of the awful negative ones. Then we went to a movie and saw "Baby Mama." You have to see it! It was a great movie about a woman who is infertile. Great!

Tuesday, May 6th, I have my ultrasound and blood work to determine if I can start taking Lupron. I feel that is when all of this really begins. I am looking forward to it! Counting down the days to May 26th; I will then be PUPO!

Well, as things progress, there will be more to come...

HSG

2008-04-26T17:32:00.000-07:00

On Friday I went to the South Texas Radiology and Imaging Center for an HSG. I was so afraid because many women on www.fertilitycommunity.com explained that it was the most awful test ever!! So, I got myself mentally prepared for excruciating pain.

My Mom waited in the lobby as I was escorted to a changing room. Again, I was handed a beautiful 80's themed cotton gown with really cute booties! Then I walked with the nurse to a different room with a very large x-ray machine. I was asked to lay down on the table until the Dr. came in. He was very polite and explained the procedure to me. He said the procedure shouldn't hurt too terribly bad but I know what the girls on the forum said, so I was not convinced. The doctor inserted a catheter in me and then said he started to insert the dye. The nurse turned a monitor to me so that I may see the dye enter my uterus and fallopian tubes. The pain was not that bad for me. It felt like really bad menstrual cramps but I always have bad cramps during my cycle so maybe all those years prepared me for this test! :) I asked if the doctor saw any problems. The doctor said my tubes and my uterus were perfect and looked great!! That is probably why I did not have any pain because my tubes were not blocked.

Great News!! We are on our way to the next step!! I am continuing to take Birth Control and the next appointment is scheduled for 5/6. If all is well, I will start Lupron then!

More to come....

Medications Ordered

2008-04-23T18:47:00.000-07:00

I went to work and couldn't help but think of all of this IVF all day!!! I am so excited of the possibility of being pregnant on May 26th! So overwhelming!!

I received a phone call today from Freedom Pharmacy and they informed me my medications have been ordered. I gave the lady my payment method and she said, "Let me confirm the order for you. Lurpon, Medrol, Go-something" and the list went on, and on, and then I heard needles and more needles. So, the amount of medication is huge!! Just a little nerve racking!
However, I am so ready to start.

More to come!!

Doctor Appointment Today

2008-04-22T20:07:00.001-07:00

We went to the doctor today to have the anesthesia consult. I was so nervous going into this appointment. I couldn't seem to get the negative thoughts out of my head. What if the anesthesiologist didn't approve? What if all of this was for nothing? I started pacing the room. After a few minutes (which seemed like forever), the doctor came in. She checked my throat and airways. She said everything looked great!!

And just like that I graduated! Another nurse entered and provided me a schedule and calendar. I officially started birth control today!

I can't tell you how thrilled I am to have a plan finalized.

I am officially scheduled for my first ET on May 26th!! We are so excited! If the cycle works, which I am sure it will, then the baby would be born a week from my husband's birthday! How amazing is that; such an awesome birthday gift!

More to come...

Still Sick...

2008-04-21T07:05:00.000-07:00

Sorry I didn't post yesterday. I went in to the doctor's office early in the morning and they took my blood. At my initial consult, I was advised I would need an anesthesia consult. I asked the nurse after my blood work when I could arrange for my anesthesia consult and she said wait in a conference room. So my husband and I went into the all too familiar room and waited. She came back and explained that my doctor has not discussed my "situation" with his partner so she would let me know. What does that mean?? Does that mean they are thinking of not allowing us to continue? What is my "situation"? Well, that little comment has got me all worried. I should hear back today concerning my blood work and I will be certain to discuss this further.

I am praying all is well and that I can continue without any more obstacles! :)

Lovely (can you hear the sarcasm?) Day

2008-04-19T17:51:00.001-07:00

So my day started by my husband waking me up at 4:55 AM in the morning to go fishing which would likely result in my jumping out of bed for joy becuase I love fishing!! But something was different this morning...I rolled over and my whole body hurt. My head, back, arms, everything...I was warm....I AM SICK!! Ugh....I am coughing and achey! I hate it. I have my cycle day 3 blood work tomorrow so I am praying that my levels will be normal and my sickness won't affect any of them. Please, dear God, please let everything go well tomorrow!

I am ready to get started...I will keep everyone posted!

Yeah Friday!!

2008-04-18T18:18:00.000-07:00

So I called the doctor's office this morning and I am scheduled to go into the office on Sunday at 7:45 AM for the blood work. I am hopeful that everything comes back normal and I am ready to go!

I have to schedule an HSG but I am curious if I need one completed since we are scheduled to have IVF with ICSI. I have questioned the forum and I will ask my doctor on Sunday as well. I will follow up with the answer as it may help you! Hey, anything to save any money!!!

I have quit smoking so that my eggies don't have any smoke in them! It is really hard but I know it will benefit my future children! Well, we are getting ready to go fishing tomorrow morning! I am really excited because I am hoping that it will get my mind off things!

More to come....

Spoke to Soon

2008-04-17T17:45:00.000-07:00

AF showed her face! I never thought I would ever be so excited for AF to come but I am elated! I so ready to get this process going and this was the first step...on to the 3 day cycle blood work!!

More to come!!

Thursday and still no AF...

2008-04-17T14:44:00.001-07:00

So it is Thursday and my AF still has not shown her face. I keep hoping every time I go into the restroom that I can call my RE (who is on speed dial) and let her know I am ready for the next step.

I have already began eating better and exercising. I am a combination of vitamins in the morning to include Vitamin C, B, E, Folic Acid, and Prenatal Vitamins. I want all of these in my system to my new eggs will be great!

I can't wait for this process to start. I don't think I am looking forward to birth control pills since they used to make me nauseous, but the end result will definitely be worth it!!

More to come...

So....cont.

2008-04-15T20:43:00.000-07:00

Well, just as I was starting to move forward from hearing of my cousin's pregnancy (who only tried for two months), I found out she is pregnant with twins. On top of that she is griping over having to pay for two of everything!

I would be elated just to be pregnant with one!!

I am already $15,000 in the hole and there is no guarantee it will work. I just wish people who get pregnant naturally did not take it for granted. I guess that is hard to do since they don't have to deal with IF.

This is probably the harder part of IF; dealing with family and friends. I am the first person in my family to have to experience and go through IF issues. No one really knows what this can do to a person's spirit unless you have experienced it yourself.

Well, more to come....

So....

2008-04-15T20:41:00.001-07:00

Well, thank goodness Monday has come and gone and now Tuesday is almost over. I just can't wait for my AF to come! I seem to be getting all the symptoms, sore breasts, early cramping...all that but no AF yet.

Ugh...Monday

2008-04-14T18:56:00.000-07:00

So it is Monday! Is it Friday yet??

So we had a wonderful weekend in College Station! I love seeing my little brother! He and I are very close; I miss him already!

So I crossed off another day of waiting for my AF to show. When will it come already!!?!?!

This is the normal life for anyone dealing with IF. You wait....and wait.....and wait.....and wait.....

But in the end, you get this wonderful miracle so it is definitely worth it!!!

If you are reading this, you too are dealing with IF. Sometimes it can be overwhelming. I turn to the members of a wonderful forum. Please visit www.fertilitycommunity.com for support and encouragement! It has been a God sent!!

More to come....

Aggieland

2008-04-12T12:30:00.000-07:00

Sorry I didn't update on Friday. My mother, husband, and I drove to Collge Station to see my brother receive his cords in the Aggie Corps! Whoop!

He also received the coveted and respected position of Advisor (Hound)!

I wish my mom could be as proud of me as she is of him. I will make sure when I have children, that I will be proud of both of them the same! I will save that story for another day...

Anyway, the nurse from the fertility doctor's office called with my husband's blood work and SA! Very good news! My husband's blood work came back normal and his SA count tripled. It is still low but that gives us the confidence to not purchase back up sperm. YEAH!! Thank you God for some good news!

God Bless and more to come...

Had a good day!

2008-04-10T20:44:00.001-07:00

We went to the bank to pick up our check! The lady was so lovely! She is going to put us on her church's prayer list! She said, "I just know this is it!" I am praying for the same result!

Still, I can't wait for AF to show her face so I can get the ball rolling. It is funny how life is; before I started the IVF process, I was okay trying for almost 3 years. However, now, it feels like a month is forever. Funny huh?

On another subject, by brother is getting his cords from the Aggie Corp!! I am so proud of him! Whoop!!!

Good luck and happy baby making!

Come back for more soon....

God, Faith, and Infertility

2008-04-09T16:51:00.000-07:00

So, I grew up very religious and my husband and I were going to church for a good while together.

For some time, after we found out we had fertility problems, I began to feel alone. I felt like I had been abandoned by God. I started to let negative thoughts surround my entire soul and being. I would see a pregnant lady and immediately think, "Why her?" I would watch a T.V. show about babies, and cry and cry. I felt like God did "this" to me and then left me to suffer. I would wonder where He was when I got the news. Where was He when I got declined for the loan?

Today, I had a revolution after weeks of feeling awful. I decided today that infertility did not happen to me because I did or didn't do something. God was not punishing me for anything. My husband and I were good people and God would show us the way. He is with us during every step of this process.

So, please remember that He is with you and not against you. Knowing that will make your journey much easier.

Know that it is okay to feel upset and to cry. It is okay to have up days and down days! Rely on your spouse and God to get you through it! Give it up to God!

More to come...

Financial Ups and Downs

2008-04-09T16:15:00.000-07:00

After the nurse finished explaining all the steps to look forward to, she guided us to the "bad" part as she stated. A billing specialist came into the conference room with the T.V. and the tissues, she again told us that our insurance would not cover anything and all expenses would be out of pocket. Like I needed the reminder! She gave us a chart of thousands of dollars displayed next to foreign procedures. She said we would have to give $9455.00 up front to start the process. We have to be paid in full before we start taking the Lupron. It felt like a business transaction. You Pay, We Service. My mood immediately changed to worried. What if we don't qualify? What would we do? The procedure was almost $10,000 but on top of that our appointment was $500.00, the bloodwork was $1,000.00, and our medications would be around $4,000.00. We needed financing for all of that!! Later that night, I was hopeful and excited so we applied for a $15,000.00 unsecured loan from one of the pamphlets we received from the doctor's office. We were not approved for the full amount but only for $3,000.00. I thought, "That won't even pay for my meds!" I was so distraught. My future family relied on this money. So we applied with another bank, another fat disappointment! By this time, I was balling and pissed. Why did other couples get to get pregnant for free??!!? Why did the mother who was addicted to cocaine get to have the gift of a precious baby and I didn't? Well, I thought I would try one more bank. I got an approval for half! That put us at $8,000.00. I got a little more hopeful. I talked to the loan officer this morning. She asked a lot of personal questions concerning our finances. By the third phone call, I began to get this feeling that the loan would not be approved. At the end of the third call, I started to cry. I explained what my husband and I have been through and why we applied for the loan. She said, "Let me talk to my manager and I will call you back." That felt like the longest hour of my life thus far. I kept thinking to myself, please just let this go through. It is the only obstacle keeping me from getting pregnant. Please, God, let this go through. Finally, the phone rang and my heart stopped. I ran to the phone. She announced, "The loan is approved for the full amount!" I immediately started to cry and thank her! I honestly still don't think she knows how grateful my husband and I are!

So, we are now financed! Now, I wait for my AF to show her face! I never thought I would actually look forward to my AF!

More to come...

First Appointment with Infertility Specialist

2008-04-09T15:24:00.000-07:00

It seemed like the wait would never be over. But finally our appointment was here! I anxiously woke up and scrambled to get all the paperwork, which seems to be thousands, wake up my husband, and get ready for my pregnancy journey.

We arrived at the office building and I caught myself biting my nails as I waited for the elevator to open on the 2nd floor. I thought to myself, I am sure I will be seeing this elevator many times in the future. I was terribly nervous becuase I had a previous surgery on my ovary when I was 18 and I was secretly preparing to hear the news that I could not get pregnant. We open the door to find many couples in the waiting room and a few women by themselves. We gave our "novel" of paperwork to the receptionist as she immediately outlined the fee for the day's visit. And we waited...then our names were finally called. We were seated in a room with a T.V. and a box of tissues. There was a round table with 3 chairs. My husband and I waited until a young nurse came in to ask us a lot of questions. Some of them were about our family history, medical history, and relationship. She wrote notes diligently as we answered all her questions. When she left the room, the doctor appeared shortly after. He was very frank and straightforward. He provided a detailed explaination of how a woman's cycle works and how IVF worked. We discussed success rates and next steps. He soon left and another nurse showed us to a room around the corner. She took my vitals and gave me a gown with a lovely 80's pattern with a white cotton sheet. This is the attire all women are used to as we wear these "trendy dresses" once a year. The doctor came in, turned off the lights, and began the exam. He was very thorough. He highlighted my ovaries and all the follicles on them. I had 15 follicles one one ovary and 10 on the other! Very fertile, yeah! The doctor answered my fear of not being able to get pregnant and explained that both my ovaries look well. The lights were turned back on and the questions from us began. We asked about how quickly we could get started, what our next steps were, etc. After the sleu of questions were done, the doctor left and I got dressed. Another nurse arrived to bring us to the next station of the fertility marathon. She gave us a ton of information and provided the timeline of the IVF process. It had to be very timely. I have to arrive on day 3 of my cycle for bloodwork, then I would have an HSG to view my uterus. At that point, I would be placed on birth control pills (BCP), then 5 days before I end my 3 week BCP cycle I would take Lupron which would make my precious eggs grow. Then I would have my eggs retrieval (E/R) day! That day my husband would provide a sample and the doctors would inject his sperm into my eggs! After a few days, the doctors will choose the "best" eggs and then implant them into me. Then hopefully I will get my positive!

Husband's Urology Appointment

2008-04-09T14:46:00.000-07:00

Before this appointment, we already scheduled an appointment with an infertility specialist for me.

We went together to my husband's first urology appointment. Many articles and magazines stare at you to let you aware that you are experiencing infertility. We met a lovely doctor who kindly gave us a lot of positive feedback and information but does confirm that IVF is our only option. You quickly realize that this situation is real but the cloud has a silver lining. The doctor ordered another analysis and explained that the infertility specialist appointment was the next step.

We were both experiencing an overwhelming amount of different feelings. You want badly to get the ball rolling but you fear of the financial commitment and the possibility of the IVF not working. However, our need and want for children far exceeded the fears.

So we waited until our next appointment....

Welcome to by Blog!

2008-04-09T13:49:00.000-07:00

So, I want to first apologize for this post being so long, but here is our story so far.

My husband and I have been together for 8 years and married for almost 3 of them. We both always new we wanted children. Ever since I was little, I knew I would find the perfect man, get married, and then get pregnant! Well, I definitely found my soul mate, got married in 2005, and immediately began trying to get pregnant. We longed to be young parents for one reason because my husband had older parents and he wanted to guarantee he would be active enough to be in every aspect of our children's life and the second because we truly wanted to be parents.

So then our journey began. We started with the normal process, charting my most optimal ovulation day, trying to have sex as much as possible, etc. I would get really excited right before my period (AF) would appear thinking this is the time! I am going to get my positive! Then AF would show up. The roller coaster of emotion begins. You get excited thinking you could be pregnant and then only to be devastated by the single pink line. After the feeling of disappointment I would assure myself that next month would definitely be it! Then I would hit a low when the dreadful single pink line shows again. Finally, after 2 years of trying, my OBGYN orders an analysis for my husband. The test results were not optimal. At that point, my OBGYN referred us to a fertility specialist.

So the process began...